


Swelling and Ebbing of Time

by amuk



Series: Guardians [4]
Category: Vampire Knight
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Old Friends, Past Relationship(s), Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-26 19:36:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/653700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amuk/pseuds/amuk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were so different now, so far removed from the boy and girl who were friends. She didn’t think she could change what she had started.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swelling and Ebbing of Time

**Author's Note:**

> Theme: 0600—Tenacity and perseverance, especially with something you have been putting off

The clock slowly ticked away the seconds (tick, tick, tick, tock) before chiming four bells. An old grandfather clock, she never thought that Zero would buy one of those. He wasn’t one for taking unnecessary expensive and he didn’t seem interested in old clocks. That was something she liked—these types of clocks seemed to have a character to them.

 

For a moment, she imagined he bought them as a keepsake, a memory of the past, but brushed the thought aside. He didn’t like to do that either—the clock probably came with the apartment.

 

Looking around, she noticed how barely furnished the room was—a worn-out table and three chairs, a small lamp, a few books on the side. The wall closest to the door showed signs of repair—he probably broke them and had to fix them himself. She could see the border between the patchwork and the original wall, sticking out like the lines between the dark and light.

 

Were the differences between Zero and her just as sharply cut? Easily found and seen now, where before the edges were blurred to a soft mixture?

 

Yuuki shook her head, looking back at Zero once more. He was older, more haggard and tired-looking, as though time had worn away at him little by little. She doubted she looked as used up, considering how she spent the last year.

 

She parted her lips to ask him what he did for that year, what sort of work his organization made him do to break him like this, when she realized it was also her fault. The cracks started because of her, the chips in his shell created by her ammo.

 

Zero watched her with his unreadable eyes and she wondered, once again, just how far they have gone that she can no longer even attempt to guess what he was thinking.

 

At least he still looked the same. A little older, a little more mature, but he still appeared the same. Glancing at his hands, she remembered the comfort and warmth they used to give her.

 

Never to do so again and she felt a sense of loss.

 

 _It was a mistake coming here,_ she thought. _A mistake._

 

“…I’ll get tea,” Zero said, bringing her back to the present. Another change, if he was offering something so civilly to her.

 

(Didn’t he say that the next time they met, he’d kill her?)

 

“It’s ok.” She licked her dry lips, nervous. “I have to leave soon.”

 

They fall silent again and she tried to remember why she came here again.

 

“Have you been…well?” That question was a mistake, the moment she heard it she knew she shouldn’t have said. Small talk that she didn’t have any right to say.

 

“…” Zero’s eyes flickered to the window for a moment before returning to her. “As well as can be expected.”

 

A not-answer, one that told her nothing and everything at once.

 

“How are—”

 

“You’re friends are fine. They remember but are unharmed.”

 

She gave him a small smile. In some ways, things hadn’t changed. He still knew what was on her mind.

 

“…”

 

“And you?”

 

He asked that for formalities sake, probably. The president of the vampire hunters, if Yuuki remembered correctly, was his future. Learning to talk politely was something he needed to do for that.

 

“I’ve been fine.” She could have said happy, because she had been with Kaname-sama for the whole year and that was all she needed.

 

But that would be rubbing salt into old wounds, dragging up pains that were better left hidden and unsaid.

 

(And had she been completely happy? Mostly but not a hundred percent. There were still chinks to her armor.)

 

“I’ve been fine,” she repeated, but if it was for his or her sake, she wasn’t sure.

 

“…” Zero seemed to realize that, merely raising an eyebrow before getting up from his seat. “I’ll make tea.”

 

She almost protested again before sighing. Even now, Zero was still patiently waiting for her to say her piece, tell him why she had suddenly appeared at his door after the day’s hearing had been done.

 

He was too good for her, sometimes, and she wondered if this was an old habit that kicked into gear.

 

(Or maybe he had gotten over the incident, but considering how he avoided her touch when she tried to greet him, she doubted that.)

 

“Do you still cook?”

 

A stupid question—who else would cook for him?—but he didn’t call her on it. Another surprise.

 

“When I eat, yes.”

 

Yuuki blinked in surprise. What did he mean by that? A small white bottle on a table nearby caught her attention and she walked over and picked it up. Those blood pills again—had he been using them the whole time she had been gone?

 

Another stupid question. Of course he had. He had lost her, his source of blood, and he wouldn’t go after humans. Not until the end.

 

(The cool gun in her hands, the soft click of the safety, she remembered holding his lifeline and thinking it was too heavy a burden.)

 

Looking down, she noticed a few more bottles, all empty. How many did he eat a day?

 

“Here’s your tea.” He handed it over to her, careful not to let his fingers brush hers.

 

“Thank you.”

 

How formal this all seemed—no wonder he didn’t tease like he used to. Already she was a stranger to him and he to her.

 

Strangers didn’t tease each other. Strangers didn’t worry over each other.

 

Strangers didn’t love each other.

 

(Oddly enough, that small part of her that loved him ached and didn’t seem quite as small anymore.)

 

“Do you still carry out missions?”

 

Idle chatter.

 

“Yes.”

 

Short answers.

 

“Have you kept up in your studies?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I have too.”

 

A place where a tease should be, one attacking her study habits.

 

“How is the school?”

 

“It recovered properly.”

 

“…” There was nothing more to say, and she needed to get out of that room. It was unbearable how the past and the present floated over each other, overlapping so that she was stuck noticing both and changing neither. At time she could hear the echo of his voice with what he used to say, the actions he used to take when she did something silly.

 

Yet, Zero had changed so much that she could tell which one was the ghost and which one was the creature she had created.

 

If she asked another question, she’d be waiting for a response that would never come.

 

She had to get out of there.

 

(Before she tried to bring back the boy from her memories, before she tried to do something she had no right to do.

 

She was wrong earlier, when she said she needed a punishment. Nothing could hurt more than this.)

 

“I…It’s getting late and I promised Kaname-sama I’d be back.” An obvious excuse but she used it anyways. Something flickered in his eyes when she spoke and she could have sworn it was her Zero at that moment. Then the moment passed and she was staring at the stranger again.

 

Moving ahead of her, he reached the door first and held it open for her.

 

“I’ve…” There wouldn’t be another chance to say this and she still hesitated, unsure if this will cut him deeper than she already had. “I’ve been worried.”

 

Another flicker. “…I’m fine.”

 

“…Don’t kill yourself. Don’t hurt yourself. Please.” A selfish demand but he obliged anyways.

 

“I won’t.”

 

“Is it ok if I…” She paused again, unsure if she should complete her sentence.

 

He sighed, lowering his eyes. “As long as I am not busy.”

 

She turned to leave, quickly so that she wouldn’t have to see her Zero and this one mix together.

 

As she headed down the stairs, she saw him stay out in the hall, watching her descend the stairs.

 

He looked so broken and battered.

 

(She gave him too much pain and hope.)

 

As she remembered how empty the room had been, how empty he had been, she thought she would be the death of him.


End file.
